We Don't Argue About Semantics

Getting Started

One of the great things about parenthood is that it forces you to examine your values and figure out which ones are so important that you should do your best to stamp them indelibly in your young child's mind while they are young and helpless to resist. One such value for me is: We don't argue about semantics, which is sung to the tune of "We don't talk about Bruno" from the Disney animated film Encanto.

What does that mean? This is the example I used to with my kids:

This argument is acceptable. I mean, it'd be nice if A and B could settle this more nicely, but they have a genuine conflict and this is a reasonable thing to argue about. Contrast:

This argument is stupid. A and B are wasting their time and accomplishing nothing but making the world an angrier place. Ideally, one or both of them should realize this, and think, "Wait a minute, why am I arguing over the definitions of words, which are inherently subjective because we, being thoughtful people, are not linguistic prescriptivists?" and, in all likelihood, realize that what's really going on is that B was pissed at A for some reason.

Arguing on the Internet

Unfortunately, most people did not have this drilled into their heads as children, so the practice of arguing over semantics extends into the real world. A simplified but realistic example:

The problem with this argument is not simply that definitions of words are subjective; people are going to argue over subjective things. The problem is that, as long as they use words with broad, nuanced definitions but don't bother defining them, they will never get to the point of understanding what they're actually arguing about.

What is it that they actually disagree on? Does A think that Russia did something bad, and B thinks they didn't do it? Or does B agree that Russia did the thing, but doesn't think it was a bad thing to do? Or something else? It's entirely possible that A and B agree on everything single objective fact and subjective opinion about Russia except the definition of the word 'dictatorship'. As long as they keep arguing about semantics, they'll never find out.

This problem can be mostly eliminated by avoiding the word 'is' but that's a whole other rant.